Script: Body Image and Hypersexualization

Start the conversation by asking permission. Body image is a sensitive topic for many tweens. “Hey, I noticed you have been upset in the mornings trying to get ready for school. I would like to talk to you about some of the changes your body is going through and how you are feeling about it. Is now a good time?”

“I guess so.”

Empathize with your tween’s feelings: “It can be hard to be happy with how you look, especially right now in the middle of a big growth spurt, when everywhere you turn there are air-brushed images of men and women with unrealistic body parts.”

“It’s not unrealistic. It’s just what everyone expects you to look like!”

Try not to respond to this exaggerated statement; instead, reflect on the meaning of what your tween said: “It does seem like that when you look at the people in TV shows, movies, and on Instagram” (or similar photo-taking social media sites if your child has access). “Changing body parts and sizes is a normal part of growing into a teenager and young adult. You will grow into your body over the next few years.”

“I just hate looking like a little kid. My friends all seem so much older than me, and I’m not growing at all!”

Empathize with your tween’s conflicting feelings about body image: “It can be frustrating when your body is not changing at the same rate as your friends’. Everybody is changing, and everybody is different. It never feels good to be left out of the group.”

“Yeah, they are getting all of the attention.”

“Everyone grows at different rates. You are in a period when there are a lot of changes taking place, and some will be more noticeable than others. Just like no two people have exactly the same shape ears or nose, no two people grow and develop at the same rate or in the same way.”

“I know, but it still doesn’t make me feel better.”

Reflect what you are hearing from your tween: “You haven’t found anything to make you feel better, and you don’t want to continue to feel worse.”

“Yeah, when I try to wear clothes that don’t fit anymore, that makes me feel worse.”

“OK, let’s go out this weekend and buy you a few things to fit the ‘new you’.” Providing your tween with the opportunity to try on new images and styles with your approval will help boost self-esteem and redirect negative body image thoughts to more positive thoughts. Also, take this opportunity to engage in further discussions to strengthen your communication and build your relationship.

responding to resistance from tweens

In attempts to start a conversation about body image, what if your tween flat out says “No”? Rather than react, suggest that this is still an important topic to discuss. “OK, I respect that this is not a good time for you. This is something we need to talk about, so what time tonight would work best for you?” Persist with securing a time to discuss.

Further on in the discussion, you may experience more resistance. Consider the following ways of diffusing anxiety and continuing the conversation.

“That is all you ever say…you will grow into your body. You don’t know anything!”

Try not to get into an argument if your tween is frustrated and feeling low. Focus instead on your goal – to help him or her understand and accept body changes. Empathize with your tween’s conflicting feelings about their body image: “It can be frustrating when your body is not changing at the same rate as your friends’. Everyone grows at different rates. You are in a period when there are a lot of changes taking place and some will be more noticeable than others. Just like no two people have exactly the same shape ears or nose, no two people grow and develop at the same rate or in the same way.”

“Seriously?”

Reflect your tween’s emotions with a neutral voice and no inflection at the end of the statement “You are tired of feeling less than everyone else.”

“Yeah, when I try to wear clothes that don’t fit anymore, that makes me feel bad.”

“OK, let’s go out this weekend and buy you a few things to fit the ‘new you’.” Use this opportunity to continue the discussion, and help her to reject the notion that others or beauty standards define her worth and value.