Script: Avoiding porn – It’s Everywhere

It may feel very uncomfortable to talk about pornography with your tween. It is important to be aware of your body language and tone of voice. Avoid overreacting to anything your tween shares or making accusations. Start by asking permission in a non-threatening way: “I would like to talk with you about using the internet to search for information. When is a good time for you today?”

“An important part of my job as your (mom/dad) is to make sure that you have accurate information that you can use to help you make healthy decisions now and in the future. I know you use the internet to find information you need to help you finish school work, when you are looking for something to do with your friends, when searching for music…lots of things.”

Provide information simply: “The internet has become our main source of information. It is also used by companies to reach out to you to try to get you to buy their products.” Follow this up by asking an open-ended question: “What kinds of pop ups have you seen on your social media that are in response to something you have searched?”

Reflect what your tween shared and add onto their comment to direct the discussion: “Yes, companies have the ability to target you based on what you have searched for, and will also send you specific messages and videos based on your age and gender. Even things like pornographic videos and images will pop-up without you searching for them.”

Don’t overreact to this statement, it should be expected that your tween has had some type of exposure to pornography. Before you provide any information about porn, you want to learn more from your tween first. Ask an open-ended question: “What kinds of things have you heard?”

Provide information simply: “Most porn is not healthy or safe. A lot of it is violent with one partner having control over or disrespecting the other.” Follow this statement by emphasizing personal control: “The porn industry provides unlimited access to pornography and you will have to make the decision to watch or not.”  

“Curiosity is normal, especially if you are hearing things at school and have questions. Lots of people search the internet for terms like ‘boobs’ or ‘sex’. The problem is that most times, search results won’t provide you with positive or accurate information. You will likely end up with porn sites in your search list. It is hard to tell by the site names what is accurate and what is not.”

“What do you think about spending a little time searching some terms together and finding websites that are trustworthy and have accurate information?”

Don’t respond to this statement, continue to provide information simply: “Most porn is not healthy or safe. A lot of it is violent with one partner having control over or disrespecting the other.” Follow this statement by emphasizing personal control: “The internet provides unlimited access to pornography and you will have to make the decision to watch or not.”

Reflect what you heard and clear up any misunderstandings: “I’m not saying you are watching porn. Lots of people search the internet for terms like ‘boobs’ or ‘sex’. The problem is that most times, search results won’t provide you with positive or accurate information. You will likely end up with porn sites in your search list. It is hard to tell by the site names what is accurate and what is not.”

“What do you think about spending a little time searching some terms together and finding websites that are trustworthy and have accurate information?”

“OK, I’m not going to push you. We can talk again in a few weeks. I’ve just recently learned that porn can be troubling for lots of young people, so I’m learning all I can in case you ever have any questions.” Being open about your intention to learn about this topic will give your tween confidence to know that you are willing to talk and could be a safe space to ask questions.